Countdown

As of today, my gastric by-pass surgery is 35 days away.  OMG!

I know I have been planning for this all year, but now I am really starting to get nervous.  I think in part because it is starting to feel very real.

Every meal I eat, I find that I am looking at it and thinking, “A month from now, I will not be able to eat this.”  I have to admit, that is freaking me out a little bit.  I am OK with these changes, and I won’t let my anxieties keep me from having the surgery, but I have been thinking about it a lot recently.

I mean let’s face it, my choices are clear.  Take a chance and make some really big sacrifices to attain good health and potentially a longer, more fulfilled life, or keep going as I have been and risk continued health problems and potentially an early death due to those problems.  Faced with bad health, continued problems, and an early grave, I choose better health.

Things have been seriously bad for me.  I really struggle every day and I hate it.  I just want to regain my previous independence.  I want to be able to walk everywhere I want or need to walk.  I want to be able to do a lot of things I could do before that I cannot do now.  I want to have a long, healthy, vibrant, fulfilled, vital life.  And I never want to be where I am now ever again.  Ever.

So, every time I have doubts or concerns about whether or not I’m doing the right thing; every time I freak out about how my eating patterns will change; every time I wonder about the potential risks that accompany this surgery, I think about where I am now,  what I want to do in life, and what I am missing out on if I do nothing.

So, 35 days before my new life begins.  I have to say it, despite my concerns, I am very excited!  🙂

Here is a picture of me from college.  I was 21.  I’m not sure how much I weighed, maybe 135-140. Yes, my friends and I had been drinking a little at the time, but in my defense, I worked at an amusement park and had just finished my shift.