I am just not feeling it today. It has been cold and snowy or rainy here all week. Today the sun is shining and it looks beautiful outside, but as the day progresses, I’m feeling more and more blah. I would love to put my head down on my desk or crawl back under the blankets in bed and sleep for the rest of the day. I’m not usually like this. I normally have a very cheery disposition and try to stay positive, but today I am having a bad day.
Part of the problem is I am suffering from some digestive problems today. I’ve written about this particular problem before and I just do not feel like discussing it again. I am going to have to go to the drugstore at lunch and instead of eating, get something to help my system out. This just ticks me off. I had been doing so well for a little over a week, and now here I am again. I’m in pain and I feel like crap.
I have also hit another weight loss plateau. My weight loss has slowed down considerably from the first few months. Of course, the first few months, I barely ate anything. Nonetheless, I’m 83 pounds away from my goal and I feel like I will never get there. Normally, I do not sweat the plateaus, etc, but today I am impatient. It is probably compounded by the fact that I am not really feeling very well.
I am also fretting about my hair. I pulled another fistful out this am while I was washing my hair and I almost started crying. I do not know if my hair actually shows signs of thinning yet, but I am always checking the mirror for evidence that I am going bald. I have become ridiculously obsessed with this. I am taking two different forms of biotin every day, I just bought some more biotin shampoo, and I am going to try some iron supplements as well to see if that helps.
Tonight my AWG friends are meeting at a local restaurant for a social event. Maybe I’ll go home after work, change, do my hair etc and see if that helps. And, tomorrow the girls from my essay group are supposed to come over and we may have a writing session. I usually feel better after I get some writing done.
On the writing side of things, I edited one essay that my essay group reviewed for me. I have also submitted the revised version to AWG for another round of reviews. Maybe one day, it will be worth something. Also, I started two slightly humorous essays. One has to do with my work, which is mind-numbing drudgery. The other has to do with language and the regional dialect in the small part of America where I grew up. I do not know if that one is working out the way I wanted. I also have another essay about when “frenemies” break up that I have to edit. That essay needs a lot of work and I have been avoiding working on it. It is a very personal account of what happened when a former friend and I parted ways and what that did to our inner circle. So, it is a difficult subject for me to revisit.
I do not know why I have decided to focus more on essays than fiction recently. I think maybe because I have been writing so much of my life on this blog and what it is like to be a fat woman in America, it has forced me to review certain events in my life and how they affected my psyche. Maybe the essays are a way for me to put things into perspective so that I can finally put them behind me and move forward to accept whatever the future may bring. Or maybe I’m just full of crap.