No, I did not have to be rushed to the hospital for anxiety because I had a public speaking gig on Wednesday. I survived it and it actually went pretty well. I did nervously race through all of my remarks in about 20 minutes, which was kind of hilarious. The leader of the writing group did notice that too. He just smiled at me and he and another writer actually helped me out by starting a very detailed and lively discussion about my writing “process.” Everyone asked me a lot of questions as if I am some kind of expert. Ha! I was actually very comfortable with answering questions, so that went very well.
The workshop was called From Real Life to Fiction. I have taken a lot of my own real life events and then fictionalized them, often creating completely different stories. Some have been pretty good and others not so much. One story actually received honorable mention in a contest, so I guess that’s something.
But enough about writing…onto weight loss.
I am down to 201. That’s a total of 97 pounds. I am surprised that I lost anything at all this week, I have been very bad food-wise. One day I actually ate quite a lot, which is not good. I have also had trouble keeping myself on a normal eating schedule. I’ve just been so busy. Plus I have been feeling very bloated. But on the flip side, the chronic constipation has abated. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can keep that at bay.
I am kind of excited about the 201 mark. In just 2 pounds, I will be in territory I have not seen in more than 20 years…below the 200 mark! It’s kind of a big deal. Ok, let me be honest here…it’s more than kind of a big deal…it’s a ginormous deal! I am also freaking out just a little bit, too. Dropping below the 200 pound mark somehow makes it all seem like this is all really going to happen. I am really finally going to be thin, whatever that means. I have not been “thin” since my early 20s.
It’s weird, because I never thought of myself as thin when I was younger. In high school, I weighed about 125-128-ish. College, my weight went up to about 130-140-ish. At 140, I may have been a little bit chubby, but I certainly was not fat. I certainly thought I was, however.
Self image is a strange thing. I guess sometimes it is easier to believe the negative stuff. I know I did for a long time. I am trying to change that, though. I still struggle with it, but I try to keep telling myself over and over again all of the things that I want to be as if they are true. I am thin. I am beautiful. I am healthy. I am smart. I am a good writer. I am successful. I am loveable. I am confident.
I don’t always feel these things, but I try. Maybe if I keep telling myself this, I will truly begin to believe them. Maybe if I keep it up long enough, they will all one day be true.
Enjoy some cherry blossoms. It rained today, so they are all most likely gone already.