When you make big changes in your life with the intent of making improvements, you have to be willing to let go. You have to let go of the bad behaviors that are holding you back. Let go of people in your life who have a negative impact. Let go of old ideas you have about yourself that hold you back. You have to do all of this so that you can let in all of the new things that will enter your life once the changes have begun to take effect.
Letting go is not easy. It is easy to stay the same and do the same thing everyday. Change is scary. Even good changes can be scary. The known pain and sorrow is easier to deal with than the unknown whether it is good or bad. The problem is, this is no way to live. If you’re not willing to make changes to your life, things will only stay the same or continue to decline.
Changing your own behavior, stopping the bad, starting the good is key. For me, the change took a long time. There was a lot of fear, pain, and anguish in letting go many of my bad choices. I didn’t start the process on October 24, 2012. I started the process a long, long time before that.
I spent nearly one year prior to my surgery planning and preparing for the surgery, but I would argue that the change began before then as well.
I am not certain I can pinpoint an exact moment in which I had an epiphany thinking, “Gee, I need to change my life! I think I’ll start today!” Nor can I pinpoint what precipitated my finally taking action, but I would say it was more a slow build than a bright shining moment of clarity.
I knew I my morbid obesity would eventually kill me.
I knew my high blood pressure was out of control.
I knew I was borderline diabetic and would most likely one day cross the line and become an actual diabetic.
I knew I could not walk very far or very much.
I knew I had asthma and could not breathe well.
I knew my family and loved ones worried about me daily.
I knew I was unhappy with the status quo.
Making changes required a lot of letting go and it took me a long time to do that. I had to let go of many bad behaviors. I let go of my gaming addiction. I let go of many of my bad food habits. I let go of my many fears that kept me unable to from doing what was necessary to become healthier.
I’m not sure how I found the strength or inner fortitude to finally let go other than to say my will to live was stronger than my fear of change. It did not all happens at once, but it happened.
I cannot say that all of my problems went away with this change. Far from it. I still struggle every day against my inner demons. I still struggle against the urge to over eat. I still struggle with my ability to avoid my problems instead of facing them. I have made a lot of progress, yes. But I know the journey is not complete.
It may never be complete. I may have to work against my own fears for the rest of my life. The difference is I now know that I can beat them and the rewards are well worth the battle.