The Scariest Subject Ever!

Dating! (Ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead).

That’s right, I said it.  Dating.  Let me begin by saying that I haven’t actually gone on any dates yet since losing all of this weight, but I have been thinking about it.

I think it was some Meg Ryan movie where they posited that it is more likely for a woman over 40 to get struck by lightning than to get married.  I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m not talking about marriage.  I’m talking about dating.  Having someone to share a supper and some interesting conversation with now and then.  So, I figured I would at least give it a try.

I signed up on a dating website. While I have a large social circle that includes a great many men, I’m not sure if any of them are actually datable material.  I’m not sure if I find any of them attractive, or if I do, if they can ever see me as anything other than the “before” Colleen.  I know I haven’t actually reached the “after” Colleen phase, but I think I’m close enough to at least entertain the possibility have having a date or two.

So, I chose a website a friend of mine recommended to me when I was heavier.  It’s for larger people, and I figure that since I still have about 46 more pounds to lose before I actually become a skinny girl, I would at least start there.

My profile, with pictures, has been up for a few weeks, and I have had a few interested hits.  I’m not sure I’m interested in any of them.  They all just seem to be, what’s the word I’m looking for here?  Freaks.

Let’s take guy #1 for example.  We’ll call him Bruce…not name he gave me, but really does it matter?

Bruce is looking for a serious commitment of sorts.  He currently lives in my state, but his job is transferring him to another state.  He will be working a few months here, a few months there off and on.  He wants a girl who will agree to a monogamous sexual relationship, no strings attached.  The idea of a monogamous, no strings attached relationship seemed a little odd to me, but I agreed to at least talk to him via email.

After a couple of email exchanges it became clear to me that it’s the girl who must remain monogamous, even when he is in the other state for a few months.  He, on the other hand, would be under no obligation to remain faithful while on assignment 500 miles away. Seriously, dude?  Where do I sign up?  Wait…didn’t I date you in college?

I wished him well and moved on to guy number 2.

Candidate #2, “Joe” seemed kind of safe and boring, but maybe a bit too eager and way too young for me, by about 16 years.  He was getting ready to move here from California and wanted to start dating someone right away.  He immediately gave me his cell phone number and asked me to call him.

I never did.  I have no interest in being a cougar.

Guy #3…we’ll call this “guy” Steve.  It turns out Steve was not really interested in meeting me…or any woman for that matter.  The website I used has a built-in chat feature and after about 5 minutes of “chatting” it became clear to me that Steve was only interested in a little naughty sex chat.

I am a fairly traditional girl when it comes to those things.  Not that I find anything wrong with a little bit of sex talk, but not really anonymously with men I don’t know, which is what I’m politely telling him when he took things way too far…Rick Santorum style.  Blocked!

The rest of the losers that have contacted me do not seem to know how to read.  I specifically put in my profile that I am only interested in men who live in my area.  So of course, I get emails from men in Florida, New York, New England, and Saudi Arabia.  I live in none of those places.

Seriously, I’m starting to get a little scared.  Men seriously cannot be that stupid, can they?  I mean, I know I’m not Christy Brinkley, and I’m not so young any more, so my choices are limited.  But still this can’t really be all that’s left.

I think I’m going to take my profile down off of that site.  Someone suggested that I just try Match.com or something because I don’t need to use that other site any more.  But I just don’t know.  If I do, I’ll do another post with more loser highlights.  In the meantime…back to the drawing board.

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2 responses to “The Scariest Subject Ever!

  1. I have a friend who uses dating sites; she’s told me lots of stories, so I can tell you that no, no one reads the profile. Or if they do, they disregard about 50% of it. She’s childfree like me, and she puts this in her profile up front. Generally something like: “Dads – please don’t bother with me. Nothing personal, but I’m not interested in having children or dating men with children. Thanks.” At least half of her emails start off with “I’m a single Dad of two GREAT kids….”

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