Category Archives: writer

Where The Heck Have I Been?

No, I have not abandoned this blog, although it may seem that way.  I have just been super busy.  Some good things have happened recently, and I just wanted to take a moment to share.

1. Work has suddenly become much more manageable.  I have been through an extremely busy period for the last few months, but with the holidays comes the traditional slow-down.  I have also been permitted to actually hire someone, so when the busy season hits again in January, I won’t be so overwhelmed…hopefully!

2.  I took vacation Thanksgiving week.  I was also very busy that week.  I had a friend visit me, and we spent that time running around visiting family and friends.  I had a blast.  We saw some friends that I haven’t seen since the surgery and a couple of friends who I have not seen since January.

As a funny aside, my friend Marianne’s son told me he did not recognize me with my glasses.  Everyone thought that was funny.  Not that he didn’t recognize me because the last time he saw me I weighed 298 pounds…it was the glasses that threw him off.  I told him it’s because I’m secretly a super-hero and with glasses I’m like Clark Kent.  Did I say he’s 10?

3.  I finally dumped the tea party guy.  Oh I know…I said I was dumping him a month ago.  I tried to.  But we still went out a couple more times.  Then things just got weird.  Not that him being a tea partier wasn’t weird enough.

He stopped calling and said work was crazy busy.  I thought it was pretty much over.  Then the texts and phone calls started again.  “I miss you.” “I need to see you.”  So, we planned a couple more dates, all of which he cancelled, promising to reschedule “soon.”  Finally, I just sent him an email and ended it.  I told him that I want someone who is excited to see me and makes me a priority in his life and I didn’t feel I was getting that from him.

A friend of mine told me that maybe I scared him off by telling him this.  I thought that was a nutty response.  Maybe I did scare him off by telling him that, but if being honest is enough to make him run, then it’s better that he goes.  That’s not the kind of relationship I want.  I want to be able to be honest with someone, and I want them to be honest with me.  Tell me what you want.  I’ll tell you what I want.  We can build from there.  Anything short of that is a lie and won’t work.

Here’s the thing.  When I weighed 300 pounds I didn’t put up with that kind of crap.  Granted, I had fewer options, but I still did not settle for less than what I wanted just to have a guy in my life.  So, when I have more options why on earth would I start to settle for less?

I was disappointed to see it end.  We actually did have a good time when we were together.  We had a lot in common, apart from politics.  He also had the gastric by-pass surgery and had lost a lot of weight.  We had many great conversations.  But, he was never going to be anyone I would be terribly serious about.

4.  I also posted a new recipe.  This is one that I created myself.  I wanted a yummy pumpkin flavored dessert that was not too sugary.  I think I came up with a pretty good option.  Click on this picture to get to the recipe:

pmpkin2

 

 

5.  I also “finished” my children’s novel.  I say “finished” because I did get all of the major plot points down on paper, and I have written about 55K words, but it is quite a mess.  I still have a lot more writing ahead of me in the form of re-writes.  I’m not going to look at it until January, however.

That is pretty much it.  I have not lost any more weight.  I have also not gained any weight.  I am not going to weigh myself until after the holidays.  I am watching what I eat, definitely.  I still log my food on myfitnesspal.com.  I have had a few bad days, but overall, I’m sticking to the plan.  I want to get back to the gym now that things have kind of slowed down in my life.  I’m hoping that will kickstart the weight loss again.

I promise to keep up on this blog more often.  I have a lot planned for the holidays, but I will have time to get a few more posts in.  And in January, I will post my weight to let you know how I fared through the crazy holiday feasting season!

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Satisfying My Inner Nerd

I have to blog right away about this weekend before I forget all of the details of why it was awesome.

First, I want to begin by including this video of Wil Wheaton talking about embracing your own nerdiness.

Well, writing, reading, authors, literacy, and the written word.  Those things make my inner nerd squee.

This weekend was the National Book Festival that was put on by the Library of Congress.  The festival used to only be one day, but now it is a two-day affair, which means, I spent two days on the Washington Mall listening to authors speak, collecting free books, bookmarks, and other paraphernalia pertaining to writing, reading, libraries, and the written word.  As an aspiring writer myself, I was in total nerdvana.

The book festival is an amazing, and free, event.

bookfest

I went to Poetry Outloud and listened to young high school students recite poetry, out loud of course.  Then I saw Margaret Atwood, Taylor Branch, the editor of the Washington Post’s food section, Bonnie Benwick.  And that was just yesterday.

Today my friend Lisa and I arrived early and decided we would camp out in the Fiction tent all day.  She wanted to see Khaled Hosseini, (author of The Kite Runner), who was speaking at the end of the day.  We wanted to get there early so that we could get good seats and just camp our butts there all day, which we did. The strategy paid off too, because we were in the first row.

As a result, I got to see Terry McMillan (author of How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Waiting To Exhale), Christopher Buckley, Adam Johnson, Roxana Robinson, Mark Halperin, and of course, Khaled Hosseini.

I took some fantastic pictures on my iPhone.  As an aside, I have to say, I’m not overly impressed with the iPhone 5’s battery, which died on me both days.  I tried to be conservative about how much I used it.  I only tweeted one picture of each of the authors today and tried to keep my phone off as much as possible, but it still drained very quickly.  Inconvenient to say the least.

From a writer’s perspective, I was in total nerd heaven.  I was able to listen to several prominent authors talk about their creative process in how they develop their stories and decide what is important.  This is like, Inside The Actor’s Studio for writers.  They just share all of this with us for free. (OK, seriously, they are there to peddle their latest wares, also, but so what!  It’s still amazing!)

From a former fat-girl’s perspective…I do not even know where to begin!

I went to the book fest about three years ago I think.  I went with my brother and his wife.  I was so sick.  Between my asthma, inability to walk, severe back pain, this event was just a nightmare.  I had such a hard time getting around, and standing around was equally as impossible.

This weekend, I walked miles and miles.  My friend Lisa drove us into the city and parked at her office, which is about a mile from the Mall.  Then, we walked all over the festival and then back to her car.  We did that both days. Also, today, we met up with friends from our writer’s group and walked to Starbucks after and then back to her car.  It was not very far out of the way, but just a year ago, I could not have done any of this.

I also met up with a former co-worker of mine who I have not seen in more than two years.  Reggie is just the sweetest guy, and although we keep in touch on Facebook, etc, it’s just not the same as seeing and speaking with him in person.  He has followed my weight loss journey via Facebook and this blog, but he still could not get over how different I looked from the last time he saw me.  It was so nice to see the joy on his face and have him tell me how great I looked.  I love that my journey has made the people I care about as happy as it has made me.  I know they want me to be happy and healthy, they are thrilled to see me doing well.  I love to see that reflected in their eyes.

I hope you all find a way to satisfy your inner nerds.  In the meantime, enjoy these pictures from the bookfest!

Me & Reggie

Me & Reggie

Bonnie Benwick

Bonnie Benwick

Khaled Hosseini

Khaled Hosseini

Margaret Atwood

Margaret Atwood

Adam Johnson

Adam Johnson

Mark Halperin

Mark Halperin

Christopher Buckley

Christopher Buckley

Roxana Robinson

Roxana Robinson

Terry McMillan

Terry McMillan

Slow But Steady

Well, it appears my scale did not fake me out this am.  I am down one more pound.  I did got on and off the scale several times, as I did the other day.  Then I went to get my camera, got back on the scale, and the one pound loss held.

I have to admit, I have become kind of obsessed again with what the scale says.  I know that I shouldn’t and that “numbers do not really matter,” but I cannot seem to help myself sometimes.

Fortunately, I’m not weighing myself every single day, just 2-3 times a week, but seriously, I need to back off the scale a little bit.

Anyway, here is the pic of today’s weight:

scale2

This is also kind of a momentous number.  I have crossed a new threshold.  I have less than 50 pounds to lose before I reach my goal weight, 49 pounds to go!  I can hardly believe that.

I was so good last night.  I went to my weekly writer’s group and a couple of us went out afterwards.  Now, I did have a small supper before I went to the writer’s group, but I still could have eaten up to 262 more calories.

I wasn’t hungry, I wanted chicken wings.  And I did recognize the difference and therefore did not order them. Wings are one of my favorite food groups.  OMG, it’s bad.  Now, had I ordered them, I probably could only have eaten one or two wings, maximum.  I then would have 8 wings to bring to lunch today.  Still, more wings than I can eat in one sitting, but I love wings, so it’s not a problem.  They would have gotten eaten eventually.

I did not order the wings.  I drank my water and saved my calories.  I did allow myself a teeny treat before going to bed.  I had one small square of really dark chocolate and 1/2 teaspoon of peanut butter.  Something sweet and tasty, very low in sugar (2 grams) and a smidge of protein.

Speaking of peanut butter, wow, I really love this stuff.  I haven’t had peanut butter for years in part because I had developed an allergy to peanuts.  Since the surgery and massive weight loss, my allergies have abated quite a bit.  I decided to give peanut butter a try again.  I went to Trader Joe’s and bought the all natural peanut butter that you have to stir.  (I’ve always loved that the all natural more than the processed stuff.)  I have had no problems eating this at all.  So, I have been having peanut butter and apples for breakfast.  My niece went apple-picking last weekend, and I have a whole bag of fresh-picked honey crisp apples.  They are so delicious and go very well with freshly ground peanut butter.

One thing I’ve noticed about peanut butter that I haven’t noticed with other forms of protein, it really keeps me feeling very full.  Probably because most of the 190 calories in 2 tablespoons of pb is fat, and not the good kind either.  I don’t care.  I still love it.  And I still lost one pound!

Strange And Fun Day

Yesterday was kind of an odd day.  I took the day off of work so that I could get caught up on cleaning, etc.  I woke up with a migraine instead.  I haven’t actually had a migraine in years.  I took my blood pressure to make sure that it was not elevated.  Then I put my glasses on and I realized that my face hurt and I could not breathe.  Allergies.  I took some allergy meds and slept off on and pretty much most of the day.

Then, I got up at 4:00 pm, took a bath, dried my hair, put on a somewhat cute outfit, and went out.  I had to finish reading an article for my Wednesday night writer’s group and I was meeting a fellow writer to talk about a project we are working on.  (More on that another time.)

I started feeling better almost immediately, partly due to the large amount of allergy medicine I had taken earlier in the day and partly because of the rather large steaming cup of cappuccino I drank.  I met with my friend and we had a productive meeting, and then we went to the writer’s group and that was pretty great too.

After writer’s group, we went to Busboys & Poets restaurant and hung out for a good long time.  We had so much fun.  There was lots of laughter and fun, as well as some drinking.  One of our members is moving to Europe for a couple of years.  She got a new job there and has signed a contract for two years.  We will all miss her, but this is a great opportunity for her.

Everything was right in my neighborhood so I could walk everywhere.  I think that’s pretty darn awesome.  I love being able to walk everywhere now.  When you lose the ability to move around easily and then get that ability back, you really appreciate having the ability to walk and not rely on cars/other people to get around.  It also makes you appreciate the people you have in your life who put up with you when you were unable to walk well.  I have the greatest friends.  I really do.  They all celebrate my return to health and cheer me on all of the time.

I also offered a ride home to a friend of mine who lives just across the highway from me.  Since I had walked to all of the events, we had to walk up the giant hill to my apartment building to get my car.  Now, if you all remember, in December, I bought a Smart Car.  Downside to the Smart Car, it only holds two people.  Kind of like a sporty European car, but somewhat less cool.

Our friend Jim walked up the hill with us and was just going to walk back down the hill to his car.  Well, my other friend Sush, wouldn’t hear of it.  She insisted that we drive him back down to his car.  So, Sush climbed into the “hatch” part of the Smart Car and Jim sat in the only other seat in the car that was not mine.  I have to admit, I was kind of terrified for Sush.  Fortunately, the garage where he was parked was not that far away, but it was a hilarious ride.  Everything worked out just fine, thank goodness!

I had such a great time last night.  I’m glad I made it out of the house and hung out with my friends, even if my apartment is still a mess!  Oh well, that’s what weekends are for.  Happy Friday-Eve!

Strange Encounters

So, I am going to take a risk and describe an odd encounter I had this weekend.

As I posted before, I went to Pittsburgh this weekend to help my mom.  I took her out for coffee Saturday night because she kept asking me if we were supposed to go out and do something else that day.  I could not remember any specific thing we had scheduled, but I took her questions as a desire to get out of the house for a bit.  We went to the evil corporate coffee bar down the street from her house, which despite its innate evilness, I really secretly like.

She ordered her cafe mocha and I had my cappuccino with a liberal serving of cinnamon sprinkled on top.  We sat there for quite a while talking about books, movies, life, etc.  when a man approached my mother, pointed to her broken arm, and asked if the other guy looked worse.  He was an attractive, middle-aged man, I’m guessing late 40s early 50s, (my mother is nearly 20 years his senior).  We all laughed and my mother implied that she pulverized “the other guy” in the mythical fight he was implying she had.

He then talked to both of us jokingly and then went off to his own corner of the coffee shop.  I continued having a nice long talk with my mom.

When we got up to leave, he came running across the store.  He told us that he is a writer and had been working on an essay.  He wanted to know if we would give him our thoughts on what he wrote.  My mom interjected, “Oh really! My daughter is a writer!” she exclaimed, pointing at me.

“Well, I’m trying to be one,”  I stated shyly, a little embarrassed that my mom overstated my writing career in an overly obvious attempt to get me a date.

We had a brief conversation about my nonexistent writing career and went over to his table to review his essay, which he insisted on reading aloud to us.  I would have preferred to read it and give him my comments, but whatever.  It was a pretty good essay and I gave him my thoughts.  Then we talked about his book.  He had a copy of a book with him which he had “compiled.”  It’s a book of inspirational quotes.  That’s not really my cup of tea, but I do know some people who like that kind of thing.

Throughout this whole encounter, I thought he was flirting with my mom.  She is a beautiful woman, but she’s 19 years older than him.  Some guys go for that, I guess, but I still found it a little strange.  My mom, on the other hand thought he was flirting quite a lot with me.  She said it was obvious he was just being nice to her hoping that if he made a good impression on the mom, that would go a long way to getting in with the daughter.

I don’t know.  I am not good at knowing when men are flirting with me, mostly because I am not used to it.  Nobody really flirted with the fat girl I used to be.  Plus, I looked horrible on Saturday.  My hair, which I had not washed that day, was pulled up in a pony-tail, and I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans.  I was not wearing appropriate date-finding attire.  He did give me an autographed copy of his book.  (He did not give one to my mom, a fact she has continually pointed out.)  Which makes me pretty sure he was mostly digging for a good rating on Amazon, which let’s face it, I’d do a little  bit of flirting myself if I thought someone would read my (nonexistent) book and give me 10 stars on Amazon.  A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?

Although, he did give me his business card and asked my opinion on where I thought he could send his story to be published.  Clearly, this is a sign.  OK, maybe not.

Still, it was nice to be flirted with even if just a little bit.

Have You Been Brainwashed?

Apparently, Dustin Hoffman has been, at least that’s what he says in this AFI clip on YouTube where he discusses the making of the movie Tootsie.  He talks very openly about society’s critical view of anyone who does not fit the standard definition of beauty and how that affected him as a man who was tasked with playing a woman on-screen.

I remember seeing this movie years ago, but admittedly, I do not remember much about it.  I am going to have to go back and watch it now, if for no other reason than to watch it with mindfulness and a critical eye to traditional definitions of beauty.

As a woman who spent her life struggling to find a way to fit into the world of the beautiful people, I certainly know what it is like to feel inadequate by comparison.  I think this is something all women, (and a lot of men, quite frankly), feel.

I spent the better part of my life totally brainwashed, thinking that I was nothing if I was not beautiful, or beautiful as defined by fashion magazines, movies, TV, etc.  But the truth is, I am a beautiful person.  I may not have perfect skin, or the best figure in the world, but I am smart, capable, funny, cute, thoughtful, helpful, caring, loving, the list goes on and on.  I have a lot of great qualities to share with the world, as did Tootsie from what I do recall from the movie.

The only thing that ever stopped me from sharing those qualities was my own self-imposed limitations because I never felt that I measured up.  Granted, those limitations were reinforced because I put too much value on the low opinion of others.  I guess it is easier to believe the bad stuff.  Why is that, exactly?

Well, I am done with that.  Yes, I still struggle with body image and the like.  I may never fully get beyond that, although I wish I could.  But I do not let it destroy me or override all of my other good qualities.

At the end of the clip, Hoffman opines how he allowed himself to be limited.

“There are too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed.  This was never a comedy for me.”

I am going to turn this idea on its ear a little bit here and look at it from a slightly different angle.

I have allowed myself to limit my own experiences in life because I had been brainwashed; because I never felt beautiful; because I allowed the low opinion of others to matter more than my own dreams and wishes.

Too many people do this, especially women.

When I started this weight loss and blog project, I began the process of putting that behavior behind me forever.  I am not completely there yet, but I feel as if I have made a lot of progress.  I am taking care of myself.  I am writing more.  I am putting myself out into the world and opening myself up to all of the good possibilities that are out there.  Yes, there is the risk that I will fail, get hurt, be rejected, but I no longer care about that.  There is also a chance I will be successful and embraced by the world.  Either way, I’m not going to allow anything to hold me back any longer.

Have you ever allowed yourself to kill your dreams because you didn’t feel as if you were good enough?  What is stopping you from achieving them now?

Momentous Occasion

To say my weight loss has slowed down to a crawl would be a huge understatement.  I have been bummed because I gained three pounds while in Texas and it has taken forever for me to lose anything at all.  I have hit plateaus in my weight loss before, but this one seems to be the only plateau that has brought me down.  Mainly because this plateau has lasted almost a month.

That aside, I have good news today!

I lost the three pounds that I gained while in Texas.  Furthermore, I have lost two additional pounds on top of that.  I am down to 188.  This brings my total weight lost to 110 pounds!

Whatever else is going on in my life, this is good news!

I celebrated this week by getting a mani-pedi and a hair cut.  I took a day off of work.  I had lunch with a friend who I have not seen in what feels like forever.  I met another friend for coffee and reviewed a portion of a book he’s writing.  I just had a pretty good week and losing a total of 110 pounds is a great way to cap it off.

This weekend promises to be fun as well.  I am having some friends over for breakfast on Sunday.  Tomorrow I am supposed to be doing a “girls night” with my sister and my sister-in-law and possibly my niece.  Originally, the niece was not included, but she heard us talking about it and started crying because she wants to go to girls night too.  For girls night, we plan on getting all dressed up in our nicest clothes and go out somewhere.  I have a pretty dress for which I have no purpose other than I wanted it.  And the “buy the cocktail dress…the party will come” theory is not working, so I need to make my own plans.  I want to wear it somewhere before I shrink out of it.  The dress is a size 16.  I am already wearing a 14 in jeans, but still a 16 in shirts and dresses.  So, I have the dress, the shoes, the mani-pedi, and haircut…time to party!

101415604_505

feet

We thought about doing high tea, which is generally at 4pm.  It could be fun if we find a place that has hats and gloves that we can use.  I went to a place like that once for tea and it was fun.  The five-year old would really enjoy something like that I think.  Most likely, we will just do dinner.  It’s hard to find a tea house that does gluten-free, egg and milk free sandwiches and treats.

It will probably be a pretty tame girls night out.  None of us are huge drinkers.  I cannot drink at all and my sister-in-law never really did drink.  My sister is pretty light-weight and it only takes her one or two glasses of wine to knock her on her butt.  Plus, we might have the kid with us.  We all adore my niece and relish having her around, so I don’t see her presence as a barrier to fun, but Mommy may want a night off.

We’ll see how it goes.  But in either case, I am glad that I am where I am with my weight loss.  I am hoping to kick up the weight loss for the summer by joining a gym.  I have not yet, but I hope to this weekend. I need to really start focusing on toning and strengthening.  I have been walking a lot, which is good.  But it’s time to kick it up a level.

Have a great weekend!