Tag Archives: bs

Mid-Life Dating 101

In one of my recent posts, I indicated that I may have met a semi-normal man through a dating website.  I was wrong.  I had not met him at that point, and I can tell you now, I never will.

I try to be open-minded, and trust me, I know everyone has problems in their life.  At this point in my life, I’m not expecting perfection from a man.  But seriously, I am not 20 anymore.  I expect a man in my age range, mid 40s, to have some semblance of stability to his life.  I’m not saying he has to be rich, just maybe a job, a stable place to live.  A working car.  A valid driver’s license.  It became clear this week that the cat who wanted to meet me does not meet these basic requirements.

Let me explain.

We were making plans to meet, hopefully this last weekend, when he tells me he cannot come to Arlington to meet me because he received a letter from the DMV.  His license has been suspended and he does not know why, so he cannot drive.  Now he lives about 18 miles from me, so not being able to drive is a problem.

Furthermore, I call bullshit.

I have never known the DMV to be vague.  When they suspend your license, they tell you precisely why they are doing so.  Plus, it’s usually not a surprise to the suspendee that their license was revoked.  It could be something simple like an unpaid traffic ticket.  That’s easy enough to resolve. Pay the ticket.  Pay whatever fine the DMV has imposed.  Done.  It’s not what you want to hear from a potential suitor, but it’s an understandable enough mistake.  Forgiven.  Forgotten.  Let’s move on.

The fact that he’s too ashamed to tell me why it was suspended, leads me to believe the worst case scenario.  My mind goes immediately to a DUI or some drug related bust.

On top of that, he just lied to me.  I have not even met him, and he’s lying to me.  There is no way he does not know why the DMV suspended his license.  I just don’t buy it.  That is a lie and you are busted.

Let me give you men a piece of advice.  Free of charge.  If you’re wooing a woman – and let’s be clear about this, I do expect some wooing – and you’re going to lie to her before you’ve even met, make it something innocuous.  “I cannot meet you this weekend.  Something’s come up at work and I have to go out-of-town for a week.  I’ll call you when I get back.”  Then go and get your shit together and come back to her on some stable footing.

Not that I’m condoning lying.  I am not.  But I understand that everyone’s life has problems and at the beginning of a relationship, you are sending in your best representative.  You want to look good to a potential partner.  Everyone does that.  You don’t exactly lie, but you don’t exactly tell the whole truth either.  You want to get them hooked on you before all of your peccadilloes start leaking out.  I understand that, really I do.  But the half truth, half lie scenario above?  Unacceptable.


I am generally a very nice and understanding person.  But when a guy hands me a line of BS, I have to ask, do I look like a stupid woman?  I put pictures on the website, so you know what I look like.  Did I have “sucker” stamped across my forward and somehow I missed it?  Or did you just assume that I will put up with anything because I’m a mid 40s woman looking for a relationship and therefore desperate?

Allow me to disabuse you of that notion now.  I have been alone for a very long time.  Mostly because of obesity, but partly because even as a fat woman, I had a low tolerance for BS.  I have no fear of being by myself.  I would like to meet someone with whom I could share my life, but I’m not so desperate to do so that I will take on any loser that crosses my path.  Know this, being alone for so long has taught me to enjoy my own company.  My life is pretty good.  If the choice is being alone or sacrificing my own dignity to be with you, I would rather be alone. You need more than a Y chromosome and your mere presence to make it worth my while.  Bring something to the table.  Start with honesty and we can go from there.

I know I sound kind of heartless, or like I belong to the She-Woman’s-Man-Haters-Club.  I am just disgusted and disappointed.  I was kind of hopeful that I might be meeting someone nice and it could be an interesting adventure.  But now it is clear that is not the case.  I am a very loving and caring person.  I just happen to have a low tolerance for nonsense.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do on the dating front for now.  I still think I might check out Match.com.  My sister thinks I should steer away from dating sites.  She thinks that now that I am so active and going out all of the time, that I will meet someone through all of my many activities.   That has not been my experience.  But, we shall see.

I promise to keep you posted.