Tag Archives: clothing

Fantastic Updates

Well, I don’t know if the updates are really fantastic, but I certainly have two milestones to report.

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In one of my very early posts on this blog, I opined the possibility of constantly replenishing my underwear supply.  I have only had to restock my supply twice so far, in part thanks to the Spanx I wear every day.  I wear a pull-over tank that comes down over my hips, so they hold my panties in place.  Otherwise, I’m sad to report, I would have difficulty keeping them on.

I have purged all of my older pre-surgery panties.  I only have the ones that I bought in January and those are really big for me now too.  I haven’t reached my goal weight, but I have lost 120 pounds so far, so another new set of panties are definitely in order.

I went to the store with my sister last night specifically to get some more undies.  I was pretty stressed out about this because I have no idea what size I am currently wearing and therefore had no idea what size I needed to purchase.  I didn’t want to get any that were way too small, although a little too small would be OK.  But I definitely did not want to get any that were too big.  I already have enough of those.

My sister told me her weight and what size she’s wearing.  I keep my weight very public, but just in case there’s any question, I’m currently still 178.  Then we spent a lot of time inspecting the underwear sizes on the packages. I usually get a package or two of Haines Her Way briefs.  (Is that an overshare?)  I compared the size of the panties to the size pants I wear.  After a lot of discussion, we went with a size 7, which is a large.  I figured that was probably right because I still wear a size 14 in pants.  Extra large is around a size 18, which while I still fit into a 16/18 tops, my bottom is a bit smaller.  To be on the safe side, I got two packages of size 7 and one of size 6.  I figured if the 6 was too small, I could just wait a few months and they will fit.

It turns out, the 7s fit just fine.  It is nice to have underwear that fits properly.  Now it’s time to do another panty-purge and get rid of all of the ones that are way too big.  And this next line is for my baby sister…yes, I am throwing them away, as in into the trash.  Happy now?

The other piece of news I have is that I have a full-length mirror now.  When I was out with my sister yesterday, she walked up to a full-length mirror the store was selling, motioned at it like Vanna White, and said, “Colleen, look at this!”  I walked up to the mirror, posed, and said, “I do look fantastic, don’t I?”

My sister cracked up.  Then I had to tell her that a friend of mine actually gave me a full-length mirror about a month ago.  I look at myself all of the time.  It’s nice to know what I look like in my clothes.  The worst part is, I had to hang it on my closet door, so I can see myself while I’m in bed.  I’m not sure I need to see what I look like first thing in the am, but I do love having the mirror.

It occurs to me that I have not updated the blog with a current picture of myself in a while.  Well, I promise to get a new pic up within the next couple of days.  I’m not actually at home right now, so I cannot get a pic of myself in front of said mirror.  Maybe tomorrow I will take one just before I leave for work.

Well, that’s all of the news that I have for now.  Enjoy this beautiful Sunday!

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What Is In A Look

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I have experienced so many changes over the past few months it has been difficult for me to mentally catch up to where I am.

First, I forget sometimes that I am not as big as I was.  I sometimes have to do a double take when I look in the mirror.  I cannot believe how small I am sometimes.  I definitely sometimes experience a disconnect between the Colleen that is in my head and the one looking back at me in the mirror.  I also sometimes forget that other people see me differently.

When I was in Texas, I had a training class every day, so I dressed like I would for work.  I wore dresses every day except for my last day there.  My first day of training, I was walking from the shuttle through the hotel lobby towards the elevators to get back to my room.  There was a group of men standing in front of the hotel check-in counter.  I caught one of them looking at me as I walked through the lobby.  I watched as his eyes moved up and down my body and finally stop at my face.  He smiled and said, “Hello!  How was your day?”

My first reaction was disgust and I immediately thought, “Creep!”  My next thought was, “OMG! Did he just check me out? ME? Holy cow!”  Then I felt my face turn about 2,000 shades of red.  I simply replied, “Fine,” then turned away and walked a little faster towards the elevators.

I really did not know how to respond to that.  I’m not used to being looked at by men with anything other than disgust or disinterest.  Not that I think there was any real connection.  It was just a look.  But the look left me feeling unsettled.  I realized that I have no idea how to handle myself if anyone does one day show real interest in me.  To date, no one has.  I have noticed a small increase in overall attention from men, but no romantic interest.  And that’s OK.  I’m not sure I’m really ready.  Maybe I am.  Who knows.

When I returned to the room, I checked myself out in the full length mirror.  I do not have a full length mirror at home, so I really do not know what I look like in my clothes most of the time.  I can only see myself down to my waist in mine.  The first thing I noticed when I looked in the mirror was my dress.  The dress I was wearing was too big.  I immediately tried on one of my other dresses.  That one was too big too.  Then I tried on the rest of the clothes I had in my suitcase.   I could not believe the difference I saw in myself.

Still, I could not understand what the man in the lobby was looking at.  I couldn’t get beyond the fact that my dresses were too big.  I mean, my legs are definitely looking much thinner.  I lose weight in my legs and face before I lose anywhere else.  I’m smaller on the bottom than I am on top.  Always have been.  But that is all besides the point.

The point is, I need to recognize that I really do look different from before.  People notice.  People who have never met me do not see me as I was.  And I need to learn how to better handle the attention the new me is receiving.

Shoe Frustration At DSW

So, I almost bitch-slapped the sales person at DSW Pentagon Row today.  First let’s start with the fact that all of the parking at Pentagon Row is metered.  It is also dreadfully difficult to find an open spot.  The only other alternative is to park in the garage and pay an a lot to park.  That already has me a little hot.

Then I spent about 20 minutes wandering around their store for shoes in my size.  As I have discussed in a previous post, I have wide feet.  I have always had wide feet, even as a child.  So, shopping for shoes is really a horrible experience for me.  I do not like to buy shoes online because they never fit.  I always end up sending them back.  I much prefer to go into the store and try them on.

Well, apparently, only girls with normal sized feet have that privilege at DSW.

After driving around looking for metered parking and then paying $2.00 to park in the garage, I get to DSW to have the snooty sales rep make a disgusted face at me and say, “Oh we only sell THOSE shoes online.”  And the look he had on his face made it seem as if I was asking for something so distasteful as to activate his gag reflex.

Seriously?

So, I said, “That’s discriminatory. What, you don’t think fat chicks wear shoes?”  I turned on my heel and walked right out of the store.

I am furious.  When I’m done blogging, I am going to their website and lodging a complaint.  I know it will get me nowhere, but still.  I am doing it.  I am so offended.  So, because I have wide feet, I have to pay for their shoes first and have them shipped to me before I try them on?  And if they don’t fit?  Do I then have to pay to ship them back to you and wait for you to give me my money back?

You know, I went out today with the intent to spend my money to do my share to keep the economy rolling.  If my money isn’t good enough to keep my size shoe in your store, I will shop somewhere else and keep that store in business. F#%k DSW.  Seriously.

I am tired of going to stores and finding either no plus sized clothing or one wall sparsely covered with the ugliest clothes I’ve ever seen.

I’m overweight, yes, but I still like to look nice.

I know I won’t be a plus size for very much longer, but I will still continue to be outraged by the sub par treatment larger women receive from clothing and shoes retailers.

Yet Another Closet Purge

Now that I have lost over 100 pounds, I feel the need to purge my closet again.  I am already up to three garbage bags of clothes that I need to get rid of.

I have to get rid of nearly all of my pants.  That means I am down to one pair of jeans that are too small.  My sister insisted that I buy a pair of size 14p jeans.  Not quite to a size 14 yet, but getting there.  I also have a couple of pairs of stretch pants and one pair of shorts.

I am going to get rid of all clothes, mostly blouses, that are a size 24 or above.  I’ve purged my closet of all sizes above that, I think.  Now I’m going to concentrate on the size 24s.  I want to get rid of size 22s as well, but I’m a little bit concerned because I will be running out of clothes soon.

Yes, my sister did just buy me $350.00 worth of clothes and I supplemented with another $100 or so, but still, my wardrobe is thinning.

I almost bought three dresses and a skirt at Macy’s yesterday, but that was another $150-ish.  I really cannot afford that.  I need to save my money for when I drop out of the plus size clothing, which I see approaching rapidly just on the horizon.  Now, my wonderful sister is going to be giving me a bunch of clothes that she has purged from her wardrobe, but they are a size 6-8.  I’m not quite in that size range yet.  Some of the blouses are a large size, which I may be fitting into soon, but still, not quite ready.  Not to mention, I don’t think I was ever a size 6.

I haven’t added a cat picture in a very long time.  Here is an adorable picture of my sister’s adorable kitty Oscar.  She is a Ragdoll and is so cuddly and cute.

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My New Obsession

Ever since the shopping spree with my sister, I have become obsessed with shopping.  I spent a lot of my weekend surfing the internet looking at new clothes.  I have decided that I want to wear dresses this summer.  I found very few suitable dresses as I will not be going sleeveless any time soon.  I only found one suitable dress while I was shopping with my sister.  Shopping online, however, I have many more options!  Oh God don’t even get me started on shoes!

I found this awesome dress at Dress Barn.  I have nowhere to wear it, but I’m not sure I should let that stop me.  I remember a commercial a while back for one of the outlet malls near here.  Their tag-line was “Buy the half-priced cocktail dress.  The party will come.”  Corny, but why not?  OK, I know that’s not really a cocktail dress either, but I think it’s a bit much for work.

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This one is OK.  I can wear it to work at least.

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The Avenue also has many dresses on sale right now.  I checked out the Land Bryant website, but really, I hate their cloths.  They are also horribly overpriced.  Who can afford $98 for a skirt, especially one that will not fit me in a few months?  Not this girl!

I have to admit, I’m hesitant to buy any more plus-sized clothes.  I can wear anything from a 14-18 now.  I’d say another 10 pounds and I will solidly be in the 14/16 range.  Another 20-25 pounds and I may be out of plus sizes altogether.  Then I will definitely need to go shopping again! 

I have to admit, I never thought I would see the end to plus sized clothes.  I’m kind of excited and a bit nervous to be back shopping in the regular women’s clothing stores.  That will be a glorious day, for sure!  No more Manatee Gray for me!  (F#@k Target.  Seriously!)

Shopped Till We Dropped

My phone rang promptly at 930am today.  I was awake but still in bed thankful that it is Saturday.  I recognized the ringtone right away, my sister Sandy.  She lives in Sterling.  She has been calling me every week asking me how much weight I have lost.  She marks it on her wipe-erase board that she keeps on her refrigerator.  She’s been waiting for me to reach the 100 pound mark.  Today I am still only at 95 pounds.

Finally she says, “I can’t take it anymore.  I’m not going to wait another 5 pounds.  We’re going shopping today!”  She promised me a while back that when I reached 100 pounds lost she would take me clothes shopping.  She figured by then I would definitely need new clothes, and she was right!

I was always planning to check out some dresses this weekend just to see what I could find. I did not expect an entire shopping extravaganza.  I drove all the way out to far away Sterling, VA and we went to Dulles Town Center.  We must have hit about a dozen stores.  In total, she spent over $350.00 on me.  That’s right, my cool younger sister bought me $350.00 in clothes.  I did not really expect that.

She knew that I would never spend that much on myself.  Not at this point.  I am saving up for a big shopping spree when I am done losing weight, but I do not see the point in spending that kind of money now.  We must have bought 10 items at Old Navy alone.  Some of the stuff we bought does not even really fit me yet.  She made me buy a pair of jeans from JC Penney’s that I cannot even button.

She just said, “Get them, you’ll be wearing them in a month!”  She’s probably right.  We bought jeans, blouses, dresses, sweaters, and skirts.

I have some complaining to do, though.  (Not about my sister.  She totally rocks.)  I had a really hard time finding dresses that I like.  When was it decided that fat women only like to wear sleeveless dresses?  I mean seriously.  I know summer is just around the corner, but could we throw in some short sleeve options, please?  Not all obese women want to show off their arms.  Mine definitely are not ready for prime time.  I’m trying to exercise them, but I still have a long way to go before they are in shape for sleeveless dresses and shirts.  I could have come away with a bunch of dresses if only a couple of options had short sleeves.  I’m really disappointed.

On a good note, Dress Barn is really an awesome store.  After going all over the mall, my sister and I decided to try Lane Bryant which was across the way from the mall.  There was a Dress Barn next to Lane Bryant.  We went into LB to see if there were cool dress or skirt options.  I did see two skirts, but I thought they were way to expensive.  So, we did not get them and went over to Dress Barn.  Dress Barn had the cutest stuff.  The dress that I bought was a size 16 misses.  I did not have to buy a plus size.  I bought it in the regular women’s section.  In the plus size section, I bought a blouse that was a size 14/16.

The dress was a tiny bit snug in the tummy area.  The sales woman at the store told me I needed a bigger size.  I laughed and said, “Um, no, I”m not getting a bigger size.”  By next month, it will not be tight at all.  I explained to her about the surgery and how much weight I’ve already lost.  She was then like, “Oh!  Stick with that one then.”

The next time I decide to go shopping, I’m going directly to Dress Barn first.  Then maybe Old Navy!  Plus, by then, I will hopefully be out of the plus sized clothes and into normal girl clothes and will be able to shop anywhere I want!

Feeling Pretty

It has been a long time since I have felt pretty.  Not that I ever felt very pretty very often.  I always thought that I was fat even when I was not.  I never really liked how I looked.  I was too short.  I never liked my nose.  My smile was never big enough.  My chest was too big too early in life for me to feel comfortable.  I never liked my hair.  I could go on forever, as could just about every woman I have ever met. 

I can think of a small handful of times that I actually felt pretty.  One, I was in kindergarten.  I had the most adorable Winnie the Pooh dress.  I loved that dress.  I felt really cute wearing it, too.  I was 5.  Who isn’t cute at 5?  I would have worn it every day too had my mother allowed it.  I think we agreed on once a week.  When first grade rolled around, I pulled the dress out of my closet to put it on so that I could wear it my first day of school.  My mother told me that I had grown and it no longer fit me, but I was determined.  Try as I might, I could not make it fit.  I was crushed and cried at the loss of my favorite dress. 

The next time I remember feeling truly pretty, I was a junior in high school.  I went to the homecoming dance with my brother’s best friend.  I had a gorgeous purple and white dress.  I spent days looking for just the right shoes.  I spent hours doing my hair and make-up.  I felt good and I thought I looked pretty good.  There was a photographer at the dance taking pictures of all of the couples, which he then sold as packages.  As we stood in line waiting to get our picture taken, the photographer came up to me and whispered in my ear, “I love the way you are poured into that dress.” 

OK, he was a creep and I immediately backed away from him.  Nonetheless, that did reinforce the idea in my mind that I was looking pretty that night.

Regrettably, I no longer have a picture from that dance.  I lost my copy over the years.  I think my mother has a copy, but I’m not sure.  I know my date does, at least he did a few years ago.  I’m still friends with him.  I just need to remember to ask him if I can borrow the picture and scan it.  (Mental note to self)

My most recent encounter with feeling pretty was this Easter.  I decided to wear a dress to dinner.  I had not worn a dress in a very long time.  I have two dresses from forever ago when I weighed about what I weigh now.  I felt pretty good that I could fit back into them.  My brother and his wife picked me up from my place so that we could all go to the in-laws for dinner.  When I got into the car, my five-year old niece told me that I looked pretty in a dress. 

She has commented on my appearance before.  One time she told me my clothes are getting too small, (she really meant too big), and asked, “What are we going to do with you?”  She knows that I was in the hospital, and that I have a tummy boo-boo, but apart from that, I do not think she really understands my weight loss.  Still, I love that she comments on my appearance changes. 

I know that I still have a long way to go in my weight loss journey.  And I could sit here all day and tell you what is wrong with my body and what I’d like to fix.  But nothing in a very long time has made me feel so good as to have my niece tell me I look pretty in a dress. 

(Sorry…had to cover up the kids.  I do not have their parents’ permission to share their images.)

 

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I have decided that I like wearing dresses.  I have another dress that I am wearing today.  I feel good wearing it too, which surprises me.  I have pretty much decided that for the summer I am going to wear more dresses.  It will be easier to deal with than pants and I can wear them longer as I lose weight. 

The only problem with this plan is that I only have two dresses.  I went to Macy’s last night to see what they had.  Nothing good.  Well, that’s not entirely true.   That had lots of nice clothes, but I’m not spending $79 on a dress I am only going to wear for a month or two.  I tried to order a dress from Kohls, but they never sent it to me.  I ended up cancelling the order and fighting with them over who would pay for the shipping charges.  So, I’m going to do some more looking around to see if I can pick up a handful of nice summery dresses to get me through the next couple of months.