Tag Archives: fat girl

The Closet Project

Well, so much for a daily post, eh?

This weekend turned out to be a very busy one.  Saturday, I spent the day working on my closet, at long last.  I started cleaning out the clothes closet at one point this summer, but I never finished.  I made great progress this weekend, however.  Sunday, I spent the day meeting up with different groups of friends.  Everyone is clamoring for my time now since the surgery is so close.  I have the greatest friends.  🙂

Back to the closet project:

I have four bags of clothes that are trash.  Three bags are set to go to charity.  I took clothes out of storage and sorted through those as well.  In the end, I did 14 loads of laundry.  I also washed all of my sheets, blankets, towels, and pillow covers.  Since I will be gone for a month, I wanted to make sure everything was clean and fresh as I will be having a series of guests once I return from my convalescence and I will not be around to freshen them up later.

Cleaning out the closet was at once the easiest thing I’ve ever done and the most difficult.   There are clothes that I was anxious to get rid of and other outfits were more difficult.  Generally, the difficult ones were clothes I had not worn in a while and that I had some emotional attachment to.  They have a lot of grief and regret attached to them which is always problematic.

The clothes that I have wanted to get rid of for a very long time I kept because sometimes they were the only ones that fit me.  Generally, they were stained, ripped, had holes, worn out, or just ugly.  I purchased a few inexpensive shirts, etc this summer to get me through until after the surgery, so throwing away those clothes was easy as pie.

After cleaning out the trash, the next step was also easy.  I got rid of the clothes that I just hated.  These clothes were in good shape and perfectly wearable, so I put those clothes in bags to give to charity.  They may go to good will, or a homeless shelter.  I have not decided yet.  These clothes were easy to sort through as well.  It is easy to get rid of the things you do not like.

I found it hardest to get rid of the clothes that I really like whether they fit me or not.  I have clothes from size 14-30.  Obviously, some of those clothes I plan to keep and wear as I lose weight.  It was very difficult for me to sort through these clothes.  I have held onto these clothes for years hoping to fit back into them.  Some of these clothes I have a lot of emotional attachment to these outfits.

I found it very difficult to be judicious in deciding which of these outfits to keep or donate.  I think I did a pretty good job.  I set some standards for what I decided to keep.  I think this formula worked pretty well, especially for some of the outfits in size 16-20.

If an outfit had any of the following, they were pitched or put into the donate pile:

  • broken zippers
  • missing buttons
  • seam tears
  • holes
  • suitable for only one event, like a dress that I might only wear once
  • non-cute outfits
  • too out of fashion to be appropriate
  • out of season

Non-cute and out of fashion clothes are certainly a subjective guideline.  That is OK with me.  If there is no chance I will wear the outfit even though they may fit, there’s really no reason to wear them.  I tried to pay attention to season as well.  I have a pair of shorts that is one size too small.  Well, it is October now.  By the time I am able to wear shorts again, they will most likely be too big.  They went into the donation pile.

As far as out of fashion, I got rid of clothes that were glaringly out of fashion now.  For example, I got rid of all of my flower dresses from 1990, or as my sisters liked to call them, drapes.  They will be so pleased.

If an outfit had the following, I kept:

  • good condition
  • suitable through several size changes
  • super-cute outfits
  • appropriate for the season
  • not too far out of fashion

I kept clothes like sweaters, t-shirts, sweatshirts, loose-fitting dresses, anything less than 15 years old that wasn’t glaringly out of fashion, blouses, and anything that I could wear through at least 4 sizes.

There was a third category of items which I could not discard.  My graduation gown from college.  Yes, I still have that.  My super-cool high school letter jacket for band.  I’ll never wear it again, I cannot get rid of it.

The Penguins Hockey sweatshirt signed by one of the team members that my late father gave me.

And this groovy crocheted 1960s era hippie vest.  Granted, I was two years old  in the 1960s, but that vest is just too cool to throw away.

Now, I know my sisters would argue that I did not get rid of nearly enough clothes, evidenced by the fact that I still did 14 loads of laundry.  But I think I made a lot of progress.

As I lose weight and shrink out of my clothes, I will continue getting rid of stuff.  This process is far from over.  I feel that I am much more prepared than I was on Friday.

Less Than Three Weeks

It’s getting serious, folks.  Nineteen days and counting.

Test Updates

Today I had my endoscopy and colonoscopy.  I will spare you the details, but things look good in both places.  I have to wait for test results of cultures they took, but the doctor did not see anything that would prevent me from having my surgery.

They are testing me for celiac disease which is an intolerance to gluten.  My sister has that.  They are also testing for bacteria in my stomach.  The doctor did not see any evidence of celiac, but I have to wait for the test results.  I will be so happy if I do not have celiac.

My doctor did all of the other tests except one.  I still have to get the sonograms of my stomach.  That’s it.  That’s all I have left to do.  Well, that and the final visit with the nurse and nutritionist at the surgeon’s office.  I am going to make an appointment for Monday or Tuesday of next week to get the sonogram done. I have to go to the hospital for that.

If I get all of that done by Wednesday, I will have two whole weeks free of doctor appointments and tests.  Woo hoo.

Bad Planning

I have to tell you, I did not plan this week well.  I had the appointment with my primary doctor on Wednesday.  I could not get in until late in the afternoon.  I knew they would draw lots of blood, so I fasted all day.  Then the lab took seven vials of blood.  The phlebotomist scolded me for waiting so late in the day to do a fasting blood draw.  I had to eat something before she would let me leave.  I did bring some candy for just that reason.

After that, I went home and ate dinner, followed a few hours later by a snack.  Then Thursday, I had to do a liquid diet for Friday’s colonoscopy.  Not to mention the horrible, horrible stuff that flushes your system they make you drink the night before and the morning of.  I was completely empty going into the test and felt like I had not eaten in forever.

The morning of the test, they tell you not to drink anything for at least three hours prior to test.  Then you get there and they ask you to pee in a cup.  I was like, “OK, you made me drink stuff that flushed me out and then told me not to drink anything.  Now you want me to pee?  There’s nothing left.  I’m totally dry.”

Somehow I managed to eek out just enough for them to do a pregnancy test.  I could have saved them the trouble, but they said it was required for all women under fifty.  I was actually kind of glad to still be included in that group.  That means I’m not fifty yet.

Dealing With Stress

A few days ago, I talked about how stressed out I have been.  I also kind of freaked out about the surgery.  I am kind of glad that they    postponed the surgery.  I was not ready to deal with it yet.

I have been so stressed out that I could not get anything done.  I looked at the pile of tests, paperwork, and other things I had to do and did not think there would be any way I could possibly get any of it done in time.  It got so bad that I could not even do things like plan out a bus route to the doctor office or even pick up the phone to make an appointment.  My stress and anxiety levels were out of control.

Finally, I talked to my sisters.  They both gave me great moral support.  Just to talk about it was a great relief.  I was then able to make a plan.  I made a list of everything I had to do.  Then I divided that list up into manageable parts.  Then as I got stuff done, I checked if off my small list and the bigger list.  I was able to throw away the smaller lists one by one and now the bigger list is full of check marks.

I also did this on a smaller level as well.  Day by day I listed out each step I had to take to get through the day.  If I had a doctor appointment,I listed out all of the steps I had to take to get there and back.  Look up bus schedule.  Print directions.  Take a shower.  Find shoes.  Pack c-pap machine.  Take chicken out of freezer and put in fridge for tomorrow’s lunch.  Load dishwasher.

Yes, it was that bad.  I was constantly having anxiety attacks.  I was so overwhelmed by everything that I couldn’t do anything.  It only lasted a couple of weeks, but it was horrible.

I’m doing much better now.  As you can see, I am almost done with these tests.  I am blogging more again.  And I am feeling a lot better.  I now feel like I will be ready for the surgery.   That feeling may go up and down day by day as the surgery approaches, but at least now I have a plan to deal with those feelings.

I hope to blog a lot more before the surgery.  I might try to get a post up every day.

Here is a typical meal that I eat now.  I will take a photo of the food I will be eating after surgery and we can do a comparison.