Tag Archives: nsv

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes, I forget what it was like to be 300 pounds. More correctly, sometimes I forget that I am no longer 300 pounds.

I have been kind of down because my weight loss has stalled. I have been struggling with feeling down, feeling angry, and feeling fat all of the time. I have tried different techniques to try to kick-start the weight loss again to no avail. I have been feeling fat and bloated and I have been pretty hard on myself as a result.

Then I have moments like I did last night.

I was going out to my weekly writer’s group. I got into my car prepared to be squeezed in between the seat and the steering wheel. Admittedly, I do not drive often. I take a bus and/or metro to work every day. I usually only drive on weekends to visit family and friends or go grocery shopping, still you would think I know how well or not that I fit into my car.

Last night when I got in, there seemed to be a million miles between me and the steering wheel. I wish I had taken a picture. I was like, “OMG look at all of this S-P-A-C-E!”

Before the 127 pound weight loss, I had a hard time with space in the car. I have very short legs and have to have the seat moved up pretty close so that I can reach the peddles. My short legs are also why I cannot really drive a stick because my legs cannot reach the clutch. I was always squeezed in pretty tight with the steering wheel pressing up against my stomach.

Now when I sit in the car, I feel like I am sitting far back. The seat is in the same place. I can reach the peddles with no problem. And the steering wheel is nowhere near my stomach! It’s a small thing, but it felt kind of awesome.

Another thing happened last night that kind of made me a little happy too. When I walked into the restaurant where my writer’s group was meeting, I caught a guy checking me out. I walked in and wasn’t too sure where the group was meeting. I stopped and looked around. I caught the eye of a guy at a nearby table. He looked me up and down and smiled. I almost cracked up. I had to turn away to keep from laughing right at him. I know that’s maybe not the reaction he was looking for, but it just struck me as funny in the moment. I always want to stop and say, “Man, if you had seen me two years ago, you would not be looking at me like that right now!”

Still, it was a nice little ego boost on a day when I was not feeling so good about myself.

So I guess my point is that although you might sometimes be feeling down about where you are in your weight loss journey, it’s good to stop and take stock of all of the progress that has been made. I might not be where I want to be yet, but I no longer weigh 300 pounds and my life has changed pretty drastically for the better.

Sept 2012 Before Surgery

Sept 2012 Before Surgery

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NSV Goal Achieved – Kayaking On The Potomac

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When I first starting planning for the gastric by-pass surgery, my sister and I would talk about all of the fun things we would do once I was healthy and thin enough to move around without struggle.

My sister has a kayak and her husband a boat. They went boating frequently in the summer. When I was a little thinner, I used to go canoeing. But since I had put on so much weight, these outdoor activities had become impossible for me.

Admittedly, I’m not really much of an outdoors girl. Walking in an urban center is about as outdoorsy as I get.  I really do not like the bugs and dirt, the lack of air conditioning or anywhere comfortable to sit that comes with the outdoorsy life. I am a spoiled urban chic and I love it!

That said, I have always wanted to go kayaking. I always thought it looked like fun from the time I was a kid. My sister and I kept planning that after the surgery, when I am thinner and healthy, we would go kayaking.

We’ll, yesterday I finally did!!

 I had so much fun! At first, I was apprehensive. I slowly got into the kayak. My brother-in-law held the boat in place and my sister helped me in. It was very wobbly and I was nervous about sitting. My brother-in-law just kept saying, “It’s ok just let your legs go. There’s only one place for you butt to go and that’s in the seat…or the river. Either way, don’t worry, we got you.”

I was not comforted.

I did manage to plant my butt in the seat with no problems. They handed me the oars and made sure everything I had with me, my bottle of water, my keys, my cell phone…because you know,  you gotta have a cell phone in the middle of the river…were safely placed in the sealed compartments and pushed the boat with me in it out into the river.

I felt very unsteady for a few minutes and thought to myself, “This was a mistake!” I wobbled around for a few minutes, absolutely sure that I was going to just end up in the river.

I never used to be afraid of such things. When I was younger and would go canoeing, we had no problems getting wet, splashing each other, laughing at other people falling into the river. I had the distinction of never having tipped a canoe. That was until I proudly bragged about never having tipped a canoe. Then of course, that very same day I did.

It was actually kind of scary. It had rained a lot and the river was kind of rough. There was a downed tree at the edge of the river and we were heading right for it. I held out the oar to stop my head from bashing into the giant root of the tree. The canoe came to a sudden stop and tipped over. My butt hit the riverbed. I had a huge bruise for months. All of our stuff floated down river. A group of canoers sitting on the bank jumped in and managed to get everything, except one sock.

Somewhere out there, is a picture of me all soaked and looking like a drowned rat. I’ll have to see if I can find it.

I digress…

I started using the oars to steady myself. Slowly, I started going up and down the river. In no time at all, I was whizzing by the picnic site yelling, “I’m kayaking! I’m kayaking!”

My sister and her husband just laughed and laughed. I had no idea why.

I was out on the river for about an hour. My arms HURT today. A lot. But I had a blast.  It did not feel like I was out there for an hour. It felt like I was out there for about 15 minutes.

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Later that night, my sister told me why they were laughing so hard. They showed me this clip of Bill Murray from the movie “What About Bob?”

I just cracked up.

I did manage to get one picture of myself and one picture of the front of the kayak to prove that I was in it. My sister sent me this cool picture of turtles to put on the blog. I did see turtles on the river. I had no idea that there were turtles in the Potomac.

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Anyway, I did it! I went kayaking and did one of things my sister and I planned on before the surgery. If nothing else good had happened to me, being able to kayak made it all worth it!

Non Scale Victories

Several other WLS bloggers that I follow talk about NSVs or non-scale victories.  These are victories, or milestones that have been achieved due to weight loss that have are not measured on a scale.  I guess I kind of have as well, I just have not labeled them NSVs.

My NSVs  mean a lot to me because my lifestyle has really changed since my surgery in October of last year.  I think I have made great progress, even though my weight loss has kind of plateaued.  I am bummed about that, but I still feel good about what I have achieved so far.

  • I dropped 112 pounds.
  • I’m only 61 pounds from my goal weight.
  • I went down from a size 32 to a size 14-16.
  • I can walk.
  • I can breathe.
  • I can walk and breathe at the same time.
  • I can walk a long, long time before I have to take a break and rest.
  • I feel more confident.
  • I feel healthier.
  • My blood pressure is normal without medications.
  • My cholesterol is normal.
  • My triglycerides are normal.
  • My back hurts a lot less.
  • My feet hurt a lot less and do not swell quite as much or as often.
  • I’ve noticed guys checking me out.  
  • I suddenly do not feel invisible.
  • I can stand on the metro without severe back pain.
  • I can run to catch a metro train if I am running late.
  • I sometimes run across the street.
  • I walk through my neighborhood on an almost daily basis.

Before the surgery, I was very sick and had great difficulty walking and breathing.  I was pretty heavily medicated for my blood pressure.  I had managed to get my cholesterol under control, but my triglycerides were off the charts high.   I feared that my poor little heart would give out on me.  And I felt just awful all of the time.  

I may not have hit my goal weight yet, and maybe I never will.  But I am so happy with the progress that I have made and I feel great!

OH!  And I colored my hair using the professional stuff my sister used a few months ago.  I think I did a pretty good job.

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